So much introspective poking around lately, what’s this, what’s that, who am i, how do i feel, what do i do? Looking deep into yourself is kind of like of spring cleaning, or tuning up a car; you start to find ugly dirty shit, and you have to clean up and make it right. Several times this week I was reminded of something that parents often say when you tell them you don’t like someone, you know, that thing about how you don’t like that person because they have the ugly attributes you don’t like about yourself. It is true though, and if you sit down and think about your icky bits, not physically, but the stuff you wish you didn’t do or say or think, this is the stuff that if you face it, confront it, will only make you stronger.

So I made a list, of things I don’t like about other people. I’m honest, I don’t like some people, I don’t have to, none of us do. We’re not all here to get along 100%, and this only makes me cherish the people I do like so much more.

Superficial

Jealous

Selfish

Judgmental

Lazy

Close-minded

Obsessive

Omg, you guys, I absolutely do all of that shit!! But you know what thinking about the bad does, it makes you realize the good. And we all have so much good, even the people I don’t like, we all have the potential for wonderment. Plus to top off the end of my week, as I’ve been diving in and out of these thoughts, I have an amazing bus story to tell.

I was waiting in the rain, drizzle, for the Clark bus. One pulled up and it was soooo fucking packed, like whoa! I decided to wait for the next one. Some kind of intuition told me that waiting a few extra minutes for the next one was good for me, and being on that crowded bus was not. So the next bus pulls up, I get on, and the driver greets me in the friendliest tone. He was sooooo fucking nice!! Like, wait, am I on a CTA bus, the Clark bus?!?! I sit down, and after one stop I realize this driver is going to announce every stop, through his microphone, but add into that he was talking to us, making jokes, telling us to be careful not to slip. I mean holy shit, this driver had the whole bus, at 5 pm, laughing. It almost makes me want to tear up right now, because just that simple extra bit that he did made an entire bus full of people happy. It was that fucking simple!!

So as I read, and thought, and actually enjoyed my ride home, I thought of positive things.

Everyone is loved.

Do not fear the unexpected or changes to come.

Expect nothing from people, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised by them.

Be yourself, no matter how difficult. People will respect if you are true to you.

Receive the love that is given to you, it’s a gift.

Give love unconditionally, no expectations.

Don’t judge, and this one is soooo hard for most of us.

and most of all, just accept life. It’s precious, we’re all here together, let’s enjoy it.

I love you all.